ALL in or ALL out….

So for the last few years I have been ALL in or ALL out of my health and fitness routine.  The majority of the time I have been super committed and followed fitness and nutrition programs religiously.  During those times I am working out 6 days a week and I am eating healthy.  With that said, I have never considered myself militant.  I have always thought that there was room for fun and flexibility. I have never been the type of person that believes you can’t get take out food or ice cream and still be healthy and fit.  There is sanity it getting a drink with friends after work.  At the same time,  if it becomes a daily or weekly habit it often will take you off track.

For the last year I have been OFF TRACK!  The stress in my life has been beyond the normal amount I am used to and I have caved to patterns I wasn’t even aware I had.  That may not be true.  I know I LOVE ice cream.  I know I LOVE food.  I guess I didn’t realize that food was such an emotional outlet for me because even in the moments in my life that were high stress in the past I was always able to make a plan and move on.  This has been different.  This current situation has no clear cause, no time table for conclusion, and no means for closure.  So what I have done for the past year is slowly give up on my healthy routine.  Slowly worked out less.  Slowly eaten more.  So slowly that it was a shock to me when I could no longer fit into my clothes.  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  I know how it happened!  I have made choices over the past year to fill the pain or the struggle with food.  I have attempted to heal myself and my family with food.  So we have eaten together and therefore gained weight together.

Now it’s time to take back some control.

Truthfully, right now I do not feel ALL in…  But I am also not ALL out… So I am trying to figure out what this transition portion of my life looks like.  Right now I am taking control of the food that I have been eating.  I am getting back into the routine of making all of my meals.  Not cooking dinner made it so easy to binge eat on crap.  The past few weeks I have been getting reacquainted with my dear old friend the kitchen.  It doesn’t always make me happy to be prepping food but I view it like detox.  I know there was a time when I loved cooking and that time will return again once I have fully kicked some of the bad food habits.  Til then I am taking it one day at a time, one meal at a time.  Slowly deciding what I want the future me to look like and feel like.

ALL I know is that the past year hasn’t felt good and now it’s time for that to change!